Sunday, January 24, 2010

Indiana Sunrise


Gorgeous, gorgeous , crystal-clear,  jaw-dropping,
   eye-popping sunrise  peeking
          through frosted
                  barenaked trees and giving
                       the day's first blush beyond them Indiana plains
 
Winter, winter comes...  first some frosts, then flurries,
    a snowflake or two, and before I know it
        frigid temperatures has me reaching for
              a mug of steaming hot chocolate
                      where a lone marshmallow languidly floats

Foggy, foggy nights...mind even more fogged,
     two full moons in a month
        the earth quakes twice...twice too many
            making hearts shake to the core

Gloom, gloom, and doom looms
    Still... hope sleeps beneath the cold damp ground
       waiting for spring
          when the sun rises  like it had never known winter solstice

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Zen of Touch


     Overdue for a dose of touch therapy, I scheduled a massage. What one doesn't know is that when you get on that table, you're not the only one who occupies that space. All the stress, a world-weary body, and competing thoughts jump on that table with you thinking that they are going to have a piece of the action. What one also doesn't know is that these free-loaders do not like one thing... stillness.

      Surrendering myself to the table,  she of the hands with heart start to work her magic on me, and slowly these restless companions get impatient, bored with the nothingness and start leaving the table. One by one until I am by myself, I, and me. An ideal massage is much like an assisted meditation in motion. Sheer poetry in itself. She with the healing hands slowly work their way through my bodyscape, unhurried, never challenging, always with Tai-Chi like movements. As I follow with my mind where those hands touch, I find myself sinking, melting into the table. All alone with no thoughts, no movement on my part, just my breath, just me, just myself. More surrendering. And melting. And sinking.

     I truly think our bodies can re-adjust itself if we just give it time, if we just give it space.  My head is moving on its own, like it's slowly trying to put itself back on top of my shoulders, finding a space that it's comfortable with. Every now and then, I find myself taking a deep breath and sinking again, melting some more. I know I am not asleep, and yet my eyes won't open. At the end of this taste of heaven I try to tell myself to get up but my body refuses before it's ready. And when I finally do, I find myself again, ready to take on the world once more, and them intrusive thoughts begging to come home with me though I try to say, "Not yet. "

     A massage with heart negates a foggy mind, a foggy world, a rainy day, the gloom and doom that looms.
Until I join the world again.

With gratitude Cecile.


"Mooomm... I left my planner and homework at school!"  Sigh.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Zen of Origami





  My family went into  a favorite bookstore one day after church to pass time. I'm mindful what I say nowadays and avoid saying "killing time" then wonder the next day why I don't have time. Browsing over the books, a colorful  box caught these eyes of mine, "The Great Origami Book and Kit". I have always wanted to learn this what I think very Zen art and so I picked it up and told my husband that he just found me a very reasonably priced but meaningful anniversary gift. Too bad it wasn't our first as the boxful of paper would have been very appropriate.

     Over the next few days I was bent over a piece of paper - folding, creasing, pressing, unfolding, squashing, crimping, collapsing. And it's not just a fold. There's mountain fold, book fold, cupboard fold, blintz, pleat, bisect, inside reverse, double reverse, inside crimp, petal fold, open sink, rabbit ear, double rabbit ear, and swivel fold. I'm not done - there's also a waterbomb base, a preliminary base, and a frog/lily base.

     After practicing on simple basic shapes, I decide to make my first sort-of-complicated origami - the crane. There is a story you might have heard about the significance of the paper cranes and wishes and the mating habits of this flying wonder, but  I leave that for another day. I picked this particular bird in honor of my Qi Gong instructor who taught me the five routines of Chinese Soaring Crane Qi Gong which has affected my life in ways unimagined - in a good way. But that story is for another time too.

     Opening the box of brightly-colored papers, at first I could only stare at my choices - patterned, plain, light, dark, shiny, or matte. I eventually picked one patterned square of paper and begin what I wasn't aware of as a Zen practice. At first I just run my fingers over the smooth surface of  the chosen paper, afraid to make the first crucial fold  from which all the other folds  would follow. Corner to corner, one has to be sure the points are where you want them before making that crease. And then  I follow the rest of the steps, following the ten commandments of origami (yes, there is one..umm...ten) making sure I didn't skip a step and paying attention to all the instructions and making the folds and creases precisely . After a few minutes, I fold the wings down then pull the wings gently to shape the body. And there it is... my first origami crane. Only then did I realize that in those few minutes of making that  crane, I thought of nothing else, and my breathing had slowed down on its own. And just holding that paper crane in my hands was satisfaction enough. Or was that peace?

      Nine hundred ninety-nine more to go and my wish will be granted.


There is no time for confused thoughts. Practice single-mindedness. (Thich Nhat Hanh)

Friday, January 8, 2010

Winter Haiku 2



Bare-naked trees stand
unmoving in the cold light
Gently kissed by snow

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Mindfulness - from the book of Thich Nhat Hanh


Mindfulness is our ability to be aware of what is going on both inside us and around us. It is the continuous awareness of our bodies, emotions, and thoughts. Through mindfulness, we avoid harming ourselves and others, and we can work wonders. If we live mindfully in everyday life, walk mindfully, are full of love and caring, then we create a miracle and transform the world into a wonderful place.

The object of your mindfulness can be anything. You can look at the sky and breathe in and say, "Breathing in, I'm aware of the blue sky." So you are mindful of the blue sky. The blue sky becomes the object of your mindfulness. "Breathing out, I smile to the blue sky." Smiling is another kind of practice. First of all, you recognize the blue sky as existing. And if you continue the practice, you will see that the blue sky is wonderful. It may be that you've lived thirty or forty years but you have never seen and touched the blue sky that deeply.

In the Sutra in the Four Establishments of Mindfulness, the Buddha offers four layers of mindfulness practice: mindfulness of the body, of the emotions, of the mind, and of the objects of the mind. Practicing mindfulness at each layer can be the foundation of well-being and happiness. When we don't practice mindfulness, we suffer in our body, our mind, and in our relationships. In practicing mindfulness, we become a peaceful refuge for ourselves and others. When the seed of mindfulness in us is watered, it can grow into enlightenment, understanding, compassion, and transformation. The more we practice mindfulness, the stronger this seed will grow.

Clarity flows from mindfulness. When we are mindful, we can practice Right Thinking and Right Speech. With the energy of mindfulness, we can always return to our true home, the present moment.

The Chinese character for mindfulness reveals its meaning. The upper part of the character means "now" and the lower part stands for "mind" or "heart". The Vietnamese word for mindfulness, "chan niem", means to be truly in the present moment. Mindfulness helps us to come back to the here and now, to be aware of what is going on in the present moment, and to be in touch with the wonders of life.

THE SEVEN MIRACLES OF MINDFULNESS

If we bring mindfulness into every aspect of our life, we cannot help but experience life's miracles.

THE FIRST MIRACLE is to be present and able to touch deeply the miracles of life, like the blue sky, a flower, the smile of a child.

THE SECOND MIRACLE is to make the other - the sky, a flower, a child - present also. Then we have the opportunity to see each other deeply.

THE THIRD MIRACLE is to nourish the object of your attention with full awareness and appropriate attention.

THE FOURTH MIRACLE is to relieve the suffering of others.

THE FIFTH MIRACLE is looking deeply into the nature of self and others.

THE SIXTH MIRACLE is understanding. If we are mindful of the present moment, we can see deeply and things become clear. With understanding, the desire to relieve suffering and give love will awaken within us.

THE SEVENTH MIRACLE is transformation. By practicing Right Mindfulness, we touch the healing and refreshing aspects of life and begin to transform the suffering in ourselves and in the world.Our true home is the present moment. If we really live in the moment, our worries and hardships will disappear and we will discover life with all its miracles. Real life can only be found and touched in the here and now. This is because the present moment is the only moment we can actually experience and influence. The past is over and the future has not yet arrived. Since the present moment is the only real moment for us, we can always return here to get in touch with the wonders of life.As long as we are consumed with our everyday problems - distress about the present, regrets about the past, or constant worries about the future - we cannot be free people; we are not able to live in the here and now.

Breathing and Moving Mindfully - from the book of Thich Nhat Hanh




"No one can be successful in the art of meditation without having passed the gate of breathing. The practice of mindfulness encompasses all spheres and activities, including ordinary actions and our every breath.

We often assume breathing is just a natural skill; everyone knows how to inhale and exhale. But breathing is a miracle. Being aware of our breath not only helps us manage the difficulties in everyday life, it also helps develop our wisdom and compassion. We can sit and breath, but it is just as important to practice mindful breathing while we are moving.

Life is a path, but life is not about getting to a certain place. The Mindful Movements and walking meditation are ways to practice moving without a goal or intention. Mindful walking simply means walking while being aware of each step and our breath. It can be practiced anywhere, whether you are alone in nature or with others in a crowded city. You can even practice mindful breathing and walking meditation in between business appointments or in the parking lot of the supermarket. Walking on this planet is a joy. Mindful walking allows us to be aware of the pleasure of walking. We can keep our steps slow, relaxed, and calm. There is no rush, no place to get to, no hurry. Mindful walking can release our sorrows and our worries and help bring peace into our body and mind.

We can practice walking meditation alone, with another person, or with a group. Placing our footsteps one after the other slowly and in silence, we can create joy with each step. If we take steps without anxiety, in peace and joy, then we can cause a flower to bloom on the earth with every step."

Mary Mother of God

I have to confess that it has been a long time since I listened to a homily during mass and got the message that goes beyond what the mind understands and right into one's heart. This newly ordained priest truly celebrated mass, singing parts of the Eucharist and singing it so that God had no choice but to stop what He was doing and listen to this robed man offering Him praise, thanks, and glory.Then he asked why we venerate Mary, the Mother of God. I thought it was obvious... she was the mother of God.

Apparently not. When the shepherds found Mary, Joseph, and the infant Jesus laying in the manger, "they made known the message that had been told them about this child. All who heard it were amazed by what had been told them by the shepherds. And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart." Long before Mary became Mother of God, Mary became a disciple of God."Behold the handmaid of the Lord, be it done to me according to your word." Long before she accepted God the Son in her womb, she accepted God the Father in her heart. And that is why we should venerate Mary, first for receiving God in her heart, second for accepting Him in her womb. How cool is that?

He Who Is Blessed Sometimes Suffers

Same new disciple of God also talked about the blessings that we pray for. Oftentimes we are warned to be careful what we wish for. Even warranting more caution is when we do not know what we really should be asking for. Blessings, he said, may not always mean a life of comfort, or things going our way whenever and however we want them. In retrospect, the lives of saints, Mother Teresa even, were filled with hardships and challenges beyond what most of us would accept as a blessed life here on earth. And yet these people were blessed long before they attained the rewards of heaven.

Perhaps being blessed doesn't always mean easy,or comfortable, or lucky, or fortunate. Perhaps being blessed means having God in your heart, just like Mary did. Perhaps being blessed means having peace in one's heart and still feeling God's presence in the midst of hardship, endless trials, and even failure. When nothing ever seems to go the way we want them to, when our bodies are so tired from afflictions we do not deserve and our minds filled with angst we can't chase away, and still we know that God is with us through it all...is this not all the blessing we need?


The Lord bless us and keep us.
The Lord shine his face upon us and be gracious to us.
The Lord look upon us kindly and give us peace.

A Birthday Present



Congratulations Mom and Dad!
It's a baby girl!
January 4, 1963 (Friday)
7 lbs. 4 oz
52 cm (length)
36cm (head circumference)
35cm (chest circumference)

Delivered by Dr. Merle Adriano
Assisted by Ms. Gloria Lao and Ms. Leticia Gustilo

There's a lot of things I could want for my birthday. Whatever it is, it will just be stuff that will leave me wanting for more. Also, I am a very hard person to surprise. Co-workers have tried to surprise me in the past with a party. They must have planned it too well because I had no idea it was for me and I did not show up. Oh well.

Every now and then, Randy will come up with something totally unexpected, something I don't really need or want. But all the same it leaves me breathless, choked up... even teary-eyed. This year, somehow, even with the boys home for Christmas break he found the time to go to the local pottery place and hand painted a dish for me, the color and what was painted on it dear to my heart. Yes, the kanji on the plate you see in the picture stands for "heart" or mind and soul, whatever my context of the moment is, as a dear friend would say.

I was surfing... no let me be honest... I was letting my husband surf the net for me looking for the kanji (or Chinese character) for mindfulness, my soapbox. I stumbled upon this kanji instead and instantly fell in love with it because of its simplicity and what it stood for. More so when a friend explained how it is pronounced (Zen pronounced as "shin" ). The more I looked at it, the more it came to life. I saw the face of a panda, and a facedown, modified letter Z which I thought was a good representation of ZenSue aspiring towards the virtue of humility.

And so Randy had Jared ask me what my favorite color is, which is green, the color of the heart chakra (that's a whole other world) and uses it as the color for the plate. Unknowingly he picks a white round background for the kanji itself. What do you know... my qi gong instructor has always encouraged me to visualize my chi/qi as a round white pearl. Truly nothing that ever happens in our life is a coincidence. Or an accident. On the other hand - synchronicity and serendipity grabs me everywhere I look.

Perhaps the plate will shatter one day... but what it stands for will always be kept safe. In my heart.

Another year... another birthday. You get to a point in your life you realize presents take on a different meaning. The present is my present. And whoever I'm sharing it with at the moment. No matter what the context is. And I already had them all along. My family, my friends, my moments, and all the connections I've made... they are my gifts.

Susan was born 47 years ago. As to how ZenSue came to be...that's a whole other story.

Baby girl is doing well...thanks, Mom and Dad. And Happy Birthday me. :)




Monday, January 4, 2010

A Birthday Haiku

Three years short of gold,
Life's moments turned to mem'ries.
Gold won't be so old.